Mon Petit Cadeaux

Yesterday I reminisced about my near death experience exactly one year ago when I cheated the grim reaper and created life instead. The experience seemed locked in the distant past as I strained to recall the 13 hours of excruciating pain I endured. Had I been asked before I would deny having the strength to do so. I recall roaming through the hospital halls moaning as I succumbed. Tears streamed freely down my face. All pretence of decorum and control dissipated. I would happily trade places with the teenagers who waltzed in on the verge of delivery, went into the delivery room and momentarily sauntered out, grasping their trophy, bundled and ready for public exhibition. That was the price I paid for waiting until I was prepared to be the best mother ever. Yeah right I am certainly no longer an advocate for geriatric pregnancies.

I think I had watched to many deliveries on Discovery Health. So here it is I was expecting to be monitored throughout. Yeah right. The nurses did not seem to see the urgency and they obviously believe that pain is part of the process so why fuss. So when the pain became unbearable hours later I was given sedatives and the battle continued between moments of sleep and semi consciousness when the contractions came. I became the unwilling victim of the battle between the two. I vaguely recall the nurses confusion after an inspection and wondering if they were touching the babies head or butt. The doctor examining me and ordering an emergency c-section. The rush to get me to the operating room and then nothing.

I have no tales to tell of pushing or crowning. No tales of cuddling a newborn fresh out the womb. Instead I can tell of distant voices, fainting, discussions of blood transfusions, my son hooked up to drips and on antibiotics with a swollen head and my dear husband at my side every step of the way encouraging and supporting me. And of course my doctor informing me that I was lucky to have cheated the grim reaper and should be thankful I was still alive by some miracle.

And as I reminisce about Jabari’s first smile, and tooth, the first time he turned over, sat up, crawled or took his first step I smile. He has brought me such Joy that I would tempt the hands of fate all over again for him. The grim reaper lost out and I have Faith the God has given me a Gift, an intelligent one who reasons. JABARI AKHIL IMAN YOHANNES.